It’s that time again, dear reader! Time for another snack food review of the latest and greatest finds on the convenience store shelves in Changchun.
Today we have a real treat in store for you.
You ever have one of those nights where you are partying with your friends, and you look up and realize that your mom, or your spouse, or your roommate, or your parole officer is about to arrive and the whole room smells like something it shouldn’t? You know. Like you were under strict orders NOT to bake any chocolate chip cookies and you just went nuts and made eight dozen Toll House? Or you hosted sixteen wet dogs in your living room last night? Or you always wondered what the room would smell like if you emptied all twelve bottles of Axe Body Spray at the same time?
Well thankfully, Lay’s Potato Chips are here to save the day!
Now available on a shelf near you (if you happen to live in China), are Numb And Spicy Hot Pot flavor potato chips from Lay’s.
Looking at the package, it definitely appears we are in for a memorable experience. Not only is the name “Numb and Spicy” but we also have a tagline that these are “Intense and Stimulating”. Usually an expression like that is reserved for personal lubricants. But somehow I doubt anyone is making that mistake here. It shows a bowl of spicy food with literal flames coming out of it. And there are three tiny red peppers next to the name.
At this point, The Bearded Giant has to admit, he was expecting disappointment. If you’ve read the other posts in the Snack Food Reviews series, you know that appearances can be deceiving. But science (and the readership) demanded that he press on. So he tore open the bag.
Now, if I may pause for a moment… I have to say… I have never been involved in a serious protest. I have never been sprayed directly in the eyes with pepper spray. And I have certainly never been maced. But less than half a second after breaking the seal on this foil bag of chips, I let out a cough that everyone in the neighborhood could hear. It set off two car alarms in the street outside. My wife came running in from the kitchen to see if I had died.
But no. It was just the chips.
Open one bag of Numb and Spicy Hot Pot chips and every other smell in your entire residence will be gone instantly. Chocolate chip cookies, wet dogs, Axe Body Spray, none of them stand a chance. The only thing anyone in your place (or outside your place, next door to your place, down the block from your place, in geostationary orbit over your place…) will be able to smell is these chips.
Never one to pass on “Intense and Stimulating”, The Bearded Giant put one in his mouth.
It was good.
So was the next one…
And the next one…
You may need a cold beverage after eating a 3 RMB bag of these chips. And you certainly won’t be able to hide the evidence that you ate them (no matter how many wet dogs you bring in to hide the smell). But eat them you will. And enjoy them you will. And like Yoda talk you will. Mmmmm. Numb and Spicy Hot Pot chips…
The Bearded Giant gives these a rating of sixteen wet dogs, three red chile peppers, and a flaming bowl of hot pot goodness.
(Editor’s Note: An hour later I still could not feel my lips…)