Oh reader, you are in for a treat today.
You know how much you love your Peach Oreos? How they are nearly your favorite food of all time? Perhaps only surpassed by your other favorite, Grape Oreos? And you know how you love both of them so much that you’re constantly trying to have just a little bit of one, then a little bit of the other, back and forth, always trying to keep a perfect balance between the two?
Well, you are in luck. Because in China, you don’t have to struggle with your competing loves. You can just buy 50/50 Grape-Peach Oreos!
The Bearded Giant had never had either of these flavors before. In fact, he still remembers what a huge deal it was when Oreo came out with Double Stuf and there were suddenly two options when it came to black-and-white sandwich cookie goodness. Nowadays, Oreo takes an entire display in your local supermarket with everything from lemon to chocolate to pumpkin to mint flavors. But to get Peach-Grape? For that, you’ll have to make the journey to China.
The packaging is pretty exciting. It practically leaps off the shelf and into your basket all on its own. The familiar blue and white motif you know and love, even if you don’t read Chinese. A bunch of green grapes next to a large peach, with an unexpected splash of water behind them. Not sure why splashing water goes with Oreo, but let’s rip this box open and give them a try!
Inside the box is a foil sleeve for added freshness, and here we see the grapes and peach again along with a pink and green rainbow bursting from the cookie on the wrapper. Tear open the foil and… wow… Um yeah… You know the smell of Grape Jolly Ranchers? That sort of pungent aroma that isn’t really what grapes smell like but is the universal “fake grape” smell. Well the folks at Mondelez (maker of Oreo) have done their homework here, and these smell like you left a hundred grape Jolly Ranchers out in the sun and let them melt all day. No familiar “Oreo chocolate cookie” aroma at all. Just a violent assault of fake grape.
Cracking one open with the Oreo twist, sure enough, half pink, half green. The pink section definitely has a faint peach-like taste, but the fake grape is so overpowering you might be nose-deaf after three or four cookies. Combined together it tastes a lot like eating a giant handful of marshmallows out of a box of Lucky Charms. Definitely sweet, but not a flavor that you will find yourself craving any time soon. The chocolate of the cookie fades quietly into the background and fake-grape stands alone and triumphant, conqueror of all he surveys.
Final score: Fake Grape 42 – Bearded Giant 0.